Square 52: Favourite month

In August when the sun has started to travel south, its rays fall longingly over the drunken trees. Summer is like a lover departing when he realizes the situation can’t go on forever. Too much growth and heat would ruin this part of the world. He knows he must depart, but his heart is breaking. A wistful morning mist rises from the lake, blinding the sky’s eyes to the forest’s worst failings. The open spaces beneath the canopy smell of old leaves. Grasshoppers gossip in golden grasses along the lane. “He’s going now,” they whisper. “We’ll have our heyday now!” No one wants to imagine what will become of the land when August finally closes the gate and drifts beyond the hill. They don’t appreciate his light and warmth. Everyone has been too busy carousing to notice his disenchantment. August was the best companion we ever had.

Square 45: New digs

At last I am home in my new home. Saturday was an ordeal for everyone. First of all, at the U-Haul dispatcher I discovered the van was only available for six hours instead of ten as I had requested, so we had to hurry. We loaded quickly. Upon arrival at the new building we just unloaded everything beside the sidewalk so I could return the van on time. Then we had to carry everything up two flights of stairs, which made for a grueling afternoon.

But I had a great troop of helpers who didn't complain much and never gave up their good spirits. The vein of cheerful colours through the middle of this square goes out to Danny, Marian, Kerri, Brenna, Tory, Marion, Les and Sean with special thanks. We finished around 3:30 then Danny took us out for Chinese food at Woks Taste.

Then I had piles and piles of boxes to contend with. I couldn't imagine how the place would ever start to take shape, but actually unpacking has gone quickly.

Saturday night I set up the computer table. Sunday afternoon we unpacked books and worked on making the living room habitable. Tory and Brenna went with Danny and me to Elora Gorge for a picnic and short hike, but we were all so tired we didn't last long. Back home we crashed and watched two movies in the new living room. Monday morning Brenna and Tory had to leave. Then Danny and I set up the futon bunk in the bedroom. Finally Danny had to leave for Toronto and I was left alone in my new digs. Yesterday I concentrated on getting my bedroom in order, and today sorted out the kitchen.

This evening I cooked my first real meal in my new place: baked pollock with lemon butter, golden beets, spinach vermicelli, and steamed bok choy in fried garlic and ginger with soy sauce and sesame oil. It has been weeks since I treated myself to a proper sit-down meal at the kitchen table, in fact that's something I rarely do.

This new place has a good vibe. It encourages me to take and savour my time. The living room walls are deep blue and the old hardwood is orange-brown. I can feel these spaces becoming a haven.

The yarns in this square are blue Patons Soy Wool, orange-brown Noro Silk Garden, purple Cascade, variegated Manos Del Uruguay "Wildflower", bright orange Létt-Lopi and Berroco Jasper.

Square 17: High school

Yesterday a high school friend dropped over while visiting from Provincetown. Scott was part of a small circle I hung out with during grades 12 and 13. The group overlapped with another circle, but with Scott, Sarah, Jennie and Maggie I shared an interest in Classical music. Sarah and I dated for a year. The five of us would go to concerts together. At my house we held Schubertiads where we performed for one another on the piano or other instruments. We worked on the school newspaper together.

I lost contact with most of the group after Maggie's wedding about 23 years ago, but over this past year we got back in touch thanks largely to Sarah. Yesterday was my first reunion with Scott. We both turned out gay, though he accepted it much sooner than I did. Over lunch at Lemon Grass Thai Cuisine we reminisced.

When Scott tells something that amuses him he was a way of lifting one eyebrow and twisting his mouth. The mannerism never struck me before, but when he did yesterday, it brought a flood of fond recollections, times we all laughed together.

One incident we all remember vividly. Sarah and I edited the school newspaper, with Jennie, Scott and several others on staff. The nights when we had to get the paper ready to go to the printer were hard work but fun. Once Sarah and I were scheduled to go on a school trip to see a play at Stratford the same night as newspaper production. We did as much work beforehand as possible. Scott and the others assured us they could put most of the paper together while we were gone.

Arriving back from the play, Sarah and I went to the production room and found most most of the galley pages lying empty. Our friends weren't even working, they were chatting at the end of the room. We were furious, and I threw a temper tantrum. Then Scott and Jennie produced the real galleys from under the table. They had in fact done some work though not as much as we expected. They had hoped the practical joke would put things in a better light, but Sarah and I still were not amused. We all ended up working late into the night.

High school was a miserable, lonely time for me. I was aware of my attraction to other boys, and rejected those feelings as unnatural. Growing up in a farm community I didn't know any better. I also didn't know about practical career paths for writers and artists, but writing and making art were the things I loved to do.

These friends have told me they had no idea, back then, how unhappy I was. To them I seemed to be the one who had it all together. I was a good student, and good at putting up a front, and perhaps still am. Yesterday Scott put it this way: we all had private stories underlying the school lives we shared with our friends. I did not know Scott's family, and back then I gave no thought to it. It did not occur to us as adolescents to tell our friends these struggles.

I knitted this square to illustrate Scott's image. Behind the solid stripes of white and blue, our school colours, lies a subtler pattern in variegated yarn. I picked something with a long colour repeat, Berroco Jasper, because while the pattern of school environment didn't change, we each gradually matured and went into the world as adults.

Even if I kept my friendships superficial, Scott and the others made school more bearable. In grade 12 I went from being a loner to having friends who shared some interests, and who I liked spending time with in and out of school. I was too serious, but they brought humour. Life can be a challenge, but with friends we will survive.

I had a reunion with Sarah and Maggie on Dec. 26. I'm glad these people are back in my life.

Square 14: Daniel

This square is for my friend, Daniel, with the emphasis on the last syllable because he is French-Canadian. I say this to distinguish him from Danny. There has been a series of important Dans in my life, but Daniel was the first.

It was fall 1996. I had come out of my marriage the previous winter, and recently ended my first unfortunate romance with a man. From the beginning I was scrupulous about meeting dates first in a public place. I had once met Daniel briefly on his way from a business meeting dressed in a suit, obviously uncomfortable.

At home I found him in his element. It was fragrant with essential oils from a diffuser, a mixture with a hint of tangerine. For dinner he served a delicious stir-fry with marinated tofu. My previous dining habits had been conservative so it was my first taste of tofu, and Daniel's preparation impressed me favourably.

One of the things I admired most was his wanderlust. He loved traveling, but not the usual places. He had visited the back country of an unsettled Central American country to find a specific kind of carpet. At a roadside checkpoint a guard put a gun to his head. Daniel stared the fellow down and survived to tell the tale. Later in our friendship he would visit the Serengeti Desert and nearly drown in a whitewater incident in southern Africa.

Our romance lasted only a few weeks, but was important in both our lives. Daniel had not come out of the closet yet, but when he heard my alarming tale about the ex-gay movement and church ostracism, he realized he had little to lose by comparison. Here are a few lines from a poem I wrote for him:

Come, set the candles all aflame
to shine away your cryptic shame,
expose the good.

Within a few days of our meeting he came out to his friends and family; all responded positively.

I was affected by Daniel's perspicuity, integrity and literacy. Although the relationship did not last, it gave me hope that the world contained men of quality. A few months later I introduced him to another friend of mine, Martin, and they mark their 12th anniversary this month.

One chilly day in front of the fireplace at Pimbletts pub, Daniel introduced me to Strongbow cider, which is now my favourite drink.

When Daniel heard about this blanket of stories I am making, he went to The Purple Purl and bought me some yarn for a square. To my great disappointment, it has gone missing in the mail. So today I made a square from five different yarns I had on hand. He loves deep blues and purples. Several of the yarns are remnants of favourites from Wellington Fibres. Another is Berroco Jasper, a shade named Mochica Blue after an ancient civilization in Peru. The burgundy border is one of the Cascade yarns I'm using to thread unity through the blanket.

The autumn-coloured yarn from Wellington Fibres presents contrast as tribute to our long friendship. Daniel knows my favourite complimentary colours are blue-purple and orange-yellow. This morning while picking yarns for the square I opened a bottle of sandalwood oil, and the scent immediately drew my eyes to this yarn. Daniel sometimes wore sandalwood.